Zoe Ngata's "The Meditari" isn’t a typical historical account. It's a deeply personal excavation of the hidden Meditari society, its past shrouded in reverence and rumors of violent beginnings. Ngata, a descendant of one of the original founders, doesn't just chronicle the Meditari; she grapples with their legacy, weaving her own ancestry into a tapestry of history, ritual, and personal transformation.

Nestled within a vibrant Aotearoa community, Ngata's life seems to echo the Meditari's ideals - a blend of contemplation and social connection. This parallel sets the stage for her exploration of a society where deep reflection thrives alongside communal living. It was her discovery of a photograph of the Meditari’s founders that ignited a spark of curiosity alongside a disquiet about the "troubled past" shrouded in mystery.

“I recall a particularly challenging interview with a Meditari elder who hesitantly shared tales of the early days. His shaking voice and the pained look in his eyes underscored the gravity of the truths I was uncovering. Ones I wasn't quite sure how to process at the time."

"The Meditari" doesn't shy away from difficult truths. It delves into the harrowing Feral Trial, an initiation rite steeped in psychological and physical challenges. Here, the narrative becomes personal. Amara Davis, Ngata's great-great-grandmother, endured the trial, a pivotal event that shaped not only her life but the generations to follow. As the first female to experience the Feral Trial, the 13-year-old Amara was led through a series of psychological and psychotropic experiences deep in the bowels of a cave the Meditari have used for the rite of passage ever since. But it was the physical and sexual abuse she endured at the hands of a “shaman” that had the biggest impact on her and her descendants. Amara emerged from the experience pregnant and traumatized. Yet somehow turned that trauma into a force for change that ended up transforming Meditari practices and culture. Given Ngata’s connection to this history, she took on the Feral Trial quest as both a professional endeavor and a personal pilgrimage, driven by a desire to understand the legacy etched into her family's history.

The path wasn't easy. Unraveling the Meditari's past meant confronting uncomfortable truths. “One interview stands out,” she recalled, “a Meditari elder who hesitantly shared tales of the early days. His shaking voice and the pained look in his eyes underscored the gravity of the truths I was uncovering. Ones I wasn't quite sure how to process at the time." It's a stark reminder of the emotional and ethical challenges inherent in such exploration.

But Ngata’s book transcends a mere objective account of violent beginnings and generational trauma. It's a testament to humanity's capacity for resilience and healing. The book doesn't excuse or dwell on the past's horrors; it charts a course towards understanding. It reveals how the Meditari have grappled with their history, taking steps towards collective healing.

Ultimately, "The Meditari" offers a message of hope. It champions the power of confronting uncomfortable truths as a path towards a brighter future. Through Ngata's intertwined exploration of her family and the Meditari society, the book invites readers to confront the past, not to dwell on its darkness, but to learn and build a future steeped in compassion and understanding.